


Good enough

by Biket



Series: HQ Spiker-Setter Week 2020 [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Disappointment, Gen, Insecurity, Light Angst, Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:01:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26448949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biket/pseuds/Biket
Summary: Semi didn't think words could hurt so much. But when he heard he wouldn't be playing as a regular for his last year in high school, he understood how someone could see the whole world shattering before their very eyes. And it hurt.
Relationships: Oohira Reon & Semi Eita
Series: HQ Spiker-Setter Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913206
Kudos: 11
Collections: Haikyuu: Spiker-Setter Week





	Good enough

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5 of spiker-setter week - Sacrifice!  
> This one's a bit rushed but I'm pretty satisfied with it (especially since day 7 will give it a sequel)  
> Enjoy!

If there was something in life Semi hated more than anything, it was pity. 

And right now, the sight of the eyes of all his teammates glancing at him sideways as if he couldn’t see them was angering him so much he wanted to scream and leave the gym immediately. But he couldn’t do that. Not when the coach was eyeing him, waiting for his reaction. Not when Shirabu was smiling so widely. It hurt so bad but he couldn’t do anything about it right now. 

So he stepped forward and congratulated his younger teammate. He gave him a smile and some words of encouragement even though he didn’t mean any of them, not at the moment. Maybe later, who knows. Maybe there would be a time he wouldn’t have to pretend to say he was happy Shirabu was taking his place as a regular on the team. But not now, not as he felt his heart being torn apart. 

He knew it was for the best. If their coach had decided to choose a new setter for the team then it was the best decision for all of them and Semi knew it. He also knew it was a risk. It was Shirabu’s second year with them and he had spent the first year practicing, improving, reaching then exceeding his own limits. Semi had done that too, mind you, but it was different, their styles were different. He knew all of that. 

But it didn’t make it hurt any less.

When they all stretched together, talking with one another, Semi stayed silent, staring into space while his mind was screaming unpleasant words at him. _You didn’t practice enough._ It was all lie, of course he had practiced enough! _He’s better than you._ Well, that one had to be true. Shirabu had been chosen and not him because his style fitted the team better. But that was it, Shirabu wasn’t better than him in technique since they didn’t play the same way. _You’re not good enough._ And maybe that one too, was true. 

A few hours later, Semi was in his room, trying to find the motivation to do some of his homework instead of staring at the wall. He couldn’t help but think about today’s practice, about the announcement about the regulars and his disappointment was still clawing at his chest. He wanted to be happy for Shirabu, really, but he just couldn’t bring himself to be happy at the moment. Not with the big sacrifice he had no choice but to make. 

His trail of thoughts was cut off after a while when he heard a knock on his door. Semi frowned then told the person on the other side of the door to come in. He didn’t have anything better to do anyway. He tried to smile a little as he saw Reon coming in but he felt too drained to be expressive in any way at the moment. His friend sat on his desk beside him, his expression betraying his worry. 

“Hey. Are you okay?” he asked. 

Semi didn’t say anything at first, wondering if it wouldn’t be better to lie about what he was feeling. It would certainly be easier but Reon was far from stupid, he’d know and it would just make things worse. But the truth was hard to admit, he felt so damn selfish for feeling disappointed and bitter. How could he think about his own wishes when all the decisions made by the coach were to assure victory to the team? He couldn’t allow himself to be self-centered. Not now, not ever. Not when he was part of a team as strict as Shiratorizawa’s. 

However, a question kept coming back to him.

“Am I really not good enough?” he blurted out without thinking. 

By the look of surprise on Reon’s face, the wing spiker certainly didn’t expect this kind of conversation. 

“You are. But… You know how the coach is, what he wants.”

“Yeah, I know. And I know Shirabu’s talent will be profitable for all of you but it’s hard to accept.”

_All of you._ Maybe he should have said ‘all of us’ instead but he wasn’t really feeling any kind of team spirit right now. Later, probably. When he’d have wrapped his mind around the idea that they didn’t really need him. Not anymore. It was hard, feeling like you were a dispensable player, only a pawn placed on the court while the others were waiting for a better player. He wasn’t an essential piece for the team and it hurt his ego.

“I hate that I have to sacrifice my last year for the team,” he spat out as Reon stayed silent. 

And maybe it was selfish of him to think this way but he didn’t care. Sure he was here to be in a strong school, a powerhouse. Sure, he wanted to win all the games they would play. But he wanted to actually play his part in it. He wanted to set for his teammates, he wanted to do dump shots, to see up close the despair in his opponents’ eyes. He didn’t want to wait on the sidelines and pray for being called to serve. If he was called at all, that is. 

“You’re lucky, the rest of you. You got to play for three years, to face worthy opponents while I’ll just wait on the sid-”

“Stop it,” Reon said, his voice firm.

Semi turned to face him and frowned. He almost smiled when he saw a hint of anger in Reon’s eyes. It wasn’t easy to anger his friend, he must have triggered something in him. He sighed. He really was too damn pathetic today. Semi opened his mouth to say he was sorry - he didn’t really mean it, he was mostly sorry for bothering Reon - but his friend was faster. 

“You’ll get to play, I know it. Better yet, I promise you,” he said. 

Semi frowned and shook his head, the shadow of a sad smile on his lips. 

“You can’t promise me that. I’ll just have to accept it.”

“No, I mean it. You’ll play with us this year and you’ll set for us too.”

The wing spiker didn’t elaborate on his statement, leaving Semi feeling more confused than ever. How could he play with them, set for them, for an entire match? Coach Washijo wouldn’t let them do that. It would be impossible, even for a practice match. But Semi didn’t say anything, thinking it couldn’t hurt to let his friend have a little hope for both of us. After a moment of silence, Reon sighed and reached for the door. 

“I should go.”

“Thanks. For dropping by.”

“No problem, that’s what friends are for after all.”

Semi smiled lightly at that. It was true that he was slightly feeling better, not by much but it was a start.

“And between us, you’re my favorite setter, Semi,” Reon added as he closed the door behind him. 

At that, Semi chuckled and this time, the smile growing on his lips felt genuine.


End file.
